We all know them. Fake friends. Those people who will disappoint us in a way we can’t handle and process in a short period of time. But how do I recognize fake friends?

This topic was desired by you when I asked on Instagram what I should write about. So here it is. The article about fake friends.

This year I made a pretty painful experience when it comes to friendships. I think it’s a good moment to write about this topic today.

Sammy C - Freundschaft - falsche Freunde, fake friends
Photo by Simon Maage on Unsplash

What happened to me wasn’t really „fake friends“. Other people would probably still call it fake friends, but for me it’s more a „People change and suddenly we’re strangers“-kind of situation. Something like that. When it comes to friendships/relationships there’s never everything said. So many things happen between people and we were all disappointed by someone at some point of our lives. We all have felt the pain of separation. Of one way that became two. And we all know what it feels like when a friendship emphasizes as fake…

I wish I hadn’t experienced that

Did you ever wish you didn’t experience a certain situation? That you could’ve seen what happens in the future so that you could’ve avoided it before it even happened?

I think we all had this thought at some point.

These days I’m totally sure that everything happens for a reason. No matter how painful it might be. In the end we learn something from every single encounter.

Sammy C - Freundschaft - falsche Freunde, fake friends - Trauer
Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

Some lessons need to be hard to teach is us something for life. It’s never without purpose and in the end it all has a positive effect on our lives. It all just needs time.

When can I call them „Fake friends“?

But… what are fake friends at all? When can we call it fake friends? For me this is kind of a complicated question, because even the best friend will hurt you one day. Even the best friend will fight with you at a time. That’s what relationships grow from.
So where does a fake friendship start being fake?

For me it’s fake friends when there’s no right balance anymore. When the negative aspects are overriding and more serious. No matter with which human being you build a relationship; there will always be pros and contras. But the pros should always be more present. 🙂

Sammy C - Freundschaft - falsche Freunde, fake friends - Balance
Photo by Fachy Marín on Unsplash

Moreover, not every relationship, that isn’t good, is fake. In my option there are people who just don’t match. People who have no common denominator. If those people – for what reasons ever – still try to be together it won’t work. But that has nothing to do with fake friends.

Fake friends – 5 kinds

There are different kinds of fake friends. But they all have one thing in common: They all just stand in your way and prevent you from being happy.

  1. Energy vampires
    • Energy vampires are people who just suck the energy out of your life. They talk about negative stuff, complain, they always feel bad and have struggles with everything and are nasty about other people (maybe even about you, when you’re not around). They don’t do anything but spread negative vibes. This kind of human isn’t interested in you, your feelings nor in what you do. If you feel bad and need someone to talk to, they just tell you that they feel even worse and your problems are so little you could be happy not to be in their position.

      What’s behind energy vampires? Energy vampires have a very little self-esteem. They literally can’t not talk about problems and negativity. In the world of energy vampires it’s „cool“ if you’re the one with the biggest struggles. They want attention and don’t realize that there are better ways to get it, than with gossip and talking about problems.
  2. The takers
    • Life is about giving and receiving. Also in friendships. But there are people who always take, but never give. If you need their help they don’t have time or just can’t help for whatever reason. Those people only care about their interests and don’t think they should give something back every now and then. You’re good enough for them as long as you have something they want.

      „Takers“ are lost people in my opinion. This kind of human has lost the view for the essential and they don’t know who they are.
  3. Manipulators
    • This kind of fake friends is the most dangerous one (for me). Manipulators are mostly exceedingly nice people you can’t refuse to fulfill their wishes. You even get a bad conscience if you say „no“ to something they want. These fake friends manipulate their whole environment to get what they want. They do it so cleverly that other people don’t even realize that they act against their own deep will on a regular basis.

      Manipulators play a dangerous game. The origin of their behavior lies in the fear of losing control. Those people NEED to have the control over everything. Often they’ve lost the control over their own life; that’s why they practice this control with other people’s lives. 
  4. The Small-Keepers
    • Small-Keepers are people who do everything to keep you down. They don’t want you to succeed and don’t begrudge you if something good happens. If you tell them about an idea they try everything to make you think it’s a bad idea so that you’ll never work on it.

      People who want to keep you small have a very small self-esteem as well. They are totally afraid of not being good enough and they feel small when other people reach goals or something good happens to them. They only feel valuable if other people fail.
  5. The ones who hurt you again and again
    • As I wrote above, everyone will hurt you. Or at least everyone with whom you’re in contact over a longer amount of time. But there are fake friends which hurt you again and again. Sometimes they even apologize for what they did, but do it again right after.

      According to my experience, people who act like this are just too busy with their own world and their own problems that they don’t realize what they do to others. They are blind and can’t feel empathy because their own world seem like one big struggle. 

We all have been a bad friend

There are many kinds of fake friends. In the end we all have been a bad or fake friend at least once in our life. The extend may variate, but we all make mistakes and treat people badly sometimes. And in every case our behavior came from own problems. Sometimes we maybe didn’t even realize we had problems.

That doesn’t excuse this behavior of course. And it’s important to decide how much time you want to spend with people like this and how many chances you give.

Sammy C - Freundschaft - falsche Freunde, fake friends - mirror
Photo by Redd Angelo on Unsplash

Break up with fake friends

To break up with people is always a hard thing to do. Especially because we had fun times with everyone. Even the fake ones.

But still, it’s the most important thing in the world to care for yourself. The only thing you could do instead of breaking up is to help. That might sound crazy. Why should you help a person that has hurt you so many times? Legitimate question. You have to decide if it’s worth it or not. But never forget that every bad behavior comes from within the person and has nothing to do with you.

Maybe you’re the one he/she needs to become a good friend?

Did you know how huge your influence on this world actually is? Read here!

time limits for fake friends

In case you decide to try to help, set a time limit. A time limit until when this relationship has to be better.

Years pass so fast and if you’re a human being like me it could happen that in the end you spend too much time with fake friends while trying to help without seeing it doesn’t work out. And this can get seriously dangerous for your soul.

Always be aware of your worth and that you don’t owe anyone anything. Ask yourself if the time you invest in a fake friend is worth it.

How do you deal with fake friends if you recognize them?

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