The biggest problem we have with communication is that we don’t listen to unterstand. We’re listening to answer.
Do you know that great feeling when you met a person and you two just had amazing talks? You just listened to each others because you were interested in those stories? Totally chilled and relaxing.
Congratulations! You have experienced something really precious! Something really rare.
Listening is a gift
Nowadays it’s normal to interrupt other people when they’re talking. It’s just not normal anymore that you just listen to someone because you’re interested in it. Giving someone some minutes where he or she can just talk and let them thoughts flow is a real gift you can give to someone.
Most of the time the talks are just here to be right. People always want to be right. So the first person says something and thinks he’s right and the other one tells his opinion which is right for him. That’s not the worse part. It horrible that talks don’t end there. I mean it’s nothing bad to tell your opinion. But if it’s just about WHO’S RIGHT then it’s not helpful anymore. Then the louder one wins and his opinion is what counts. And this is no communication in my opinion.
When I was younger I thought I’m not normal and I have to change just because I didn’t say something to everything. When I don’t have to say something I find nice or useful – I don’t talk. Why should I? Just that I have talked? That’s not my style. I love listening. Because out there are so many people who have beautiful stories to tell.
The dangerous part with this is: For me it was really hard to say something if “loud” people were around. Because I didn’t want to scream just to be heard.
The fallacy of volume
If someone’s yelling around and another one is whispering at the same time – whom do you listen to? To the yelling one I think – ’cause you can’t hear anything else into this noise.
And that’s what so many loud people out there know. Only the word that’s the loudest counts. Not the most thoughtful.
If a genius needs the silence to think of a result and tells it when he’s sure in a normal volume while someone else screams around a result filled up with some beautiful words and arguments, 90% of the people will believe the loud one. Just because he proved himself.
If you have to tell something – you listen
Earlier in my life I just thought I’m going to drown into this loud world. But fortunately that’s didn’t happen.
I started reading the book “The wiser thinks”. I felt so understood when I read it. Because there they talk about our communication. And that it’s okay to not be loud.
Nevertheless comfort zones should still be left! What I want to say here is not that it’s okay to say nothing if you’re just afraid of it. Then you have to leave your comfort zone and stand up for your word. What I’m talking about is, that it’s good to be quiet and listening. That you don’t have to be a loud screamer too to reach something.
If you want to buy something and one seller is loud and noisy while another one is calm and talks in a normal volume you will hear and notice the loud one first. But in 90% of the cases you’ll buy from the seller how’s kind and calm. Just because you feel more confident there and you know you can ask something and get a answer.
Dare to be quiet
There’s a reason why people love “good listeners”. Because listening is the highest form of respect. And it’s good to be quiet.
Try it – if you’re a loud person. You can hear so much interesting things.
And something else happens:
You learn so much new things. Because if you talk you only hear what you knew anyway. But if you listen you learn so much new things.
What do you think?
Did you read my article about “Up and down – the way of life“? I think you can find some value there 🙂