Finally a lifeupdate again! In June I wanted to write a blogpost about the past 6 months of 2018 as a “halfyear-review” or something like that. Now already 8 months have passed this year. It’s crazy, how fast time flies…
I didn’t manage to write this post in June because since then I struggled a lot with my health. It all got “a little” complicated and nerve-racking. As soon as one challenge was mastered, another one came up. Right now I’m sitting into my bed and I’m tired as f*ck. Really… I can’t remember the last time I was THAT tired. I didn’t sleep well this entire month. Every night was full of pain and maximum 2-3 hours of sleep. That was so exhausting. But I’m happy that I’m feeling this tiredness right now because the past few weeks I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t feel tiredness nor hunger. I was just so taken over by pain and this health challenge, that I had no space for other needs. But more on that later…
But where should I start? I don’t really know. I want to write an authentic, honest post which shouldn’t focus too much on struggles and that. Let’s see how it turns out. 🙈
Let’s get started with this lifeupdate / 2018 half-year-review…
This year has brought so, so much to me. So many hard punches and hurdles, but also, many amazing new experiences. I was traveling a lot (for my conditions). I traveled to new cities by myself for the first time, found clarity for so many relationships, discovered myself and my body in a new way, found new ways for business reasons and have learnt so much in general. Life just gave me a huge variation of new lessons so far!
One of the most instructive and beautiful experiences this year was traveling. Every place I’ve seen has taught me so much in such a different way than all the others.
I still can’t believe that I’ve even traveled alone twice (which I’ve never done before)! Those two journeys were so, so inspiring! I still think about them each day! Especially Hamburg showed me a complete new side of freedom! But not only those journeys I did alone were inspiring and amazing, also the ones I did with my dear people.
A roadtrip through Ireland, a city trip to Amsterdam with my loved one, the first journey by myself to Barcelona, celebrated our anniversary in Naturno (Italy), a little rest in the countryside in Lucerne, a second journey alone to Hamburg and celebrated my birthday in Moltrasio with wonderful friends – all those amazing journeys has 2018 sent me to already. THANK YOU!
Somehow it’s funny that I was able to go on all those journeys even though I didn’t really know where I’m standing when it comes to business. Now I know it, but it’s still a long way to get where I want to be. An exciting way!
This year my boyfriend, friends an I founded our own company which we’re building now. There are SO many challenges, but it’s so beautiful to see it grow.
Also, I stopped doing that Network Marketing thing and went back to creative work in all sections – and I love it! I’m made to do creative stuff!
It’s crazy how many new doors this year has opened. 🙂
If it comes to relationships, there were a lot of ups and downs as well. I’ve learnt many lessons and had to swallow some bitter pills of disappointment. But I also felt so many new shades of joy and love!
I had to say goodbye to amazing friends which were a huge part in my life, revived old friendships, found myself in a new way in my relationship, solved problems which consisted over a long time and most importantly, had amazing laughs with even more amazing friends!
Through all those lessons I’ve learnt one important thing: Take time. In the end everything will fall into place.
The good old health… Here we arrived at the most important and most present topic for me this year. Actually I had health issues since birth with several illnesses. I always had to live consciously and be aware of what’s going on into my body. Back then I had doctor appointments constantly and had to take several kinds of medicine every single day.
Three years ago everything changed for the better. From one day to the other I stopped taking these drugs I had to take against all my illnesses and diseases (I don’t recommend doing this to anyone!!). I changed my diet to a vegan one and also changed my whole lifestyle to a healthy one. And so my body and soul became healthy and I didn’t have any ailments anymore.
But this year it all changed again. For the worse unfortunately. I’m not 100% sure why this came, but I have my assumptions.
In April this year, when I was in Lucerne for a little vacation on the countryside I had a terrible skin infection. I had some kind of bacteria which spread out so quickly. I tried to handle it by myself. Fought with my mind which told me to get help. In the end I wasn’t even able to walk anymore because I had such huge open wounds all over my body. So I had to go to the doctor… He gave me antibiotics and cortisone to kill those bacteria. And it worked. The infection went away, but my skin didn’t really recover well. Since then I had problems with my skin again on a daily basis.
Maybe I should mention here that I have eczema since birth – that’s why all of those problems weren’t new for me. I just felt set back to the time where my skin disease was so present that it was always the first thing I had to think about when it came to do something or go somewhere.
This month I reached the absolute climax of this whole skin-story. On August 2nd I had to go to the doctor again because I had the same infection again as I had in April in Lucerne. And again the bacteria spread out so fast. My skin started to detach herself and left big, open wounds on my body again. So I went to the doctor again to show him my skin. He gave me antibiotics again. The skin infection went away. But my skin didn’t heal. I’ve spent this whole month at home, trying to heal my skin with every possible medium I could think of. It got worse and worse. Of course I had some days which were way better. Days that made me think I’m over it. Just to see that the next day wanted to prove me the complete opposite.
At some point during my “self-healing-try” I went to another doctor to check my blood. I didn’t tell him anything about my skin problems because I didn’t want another opinion. I wanted to see what’s going on into my body to find the reason for all the suffering.
I was very surprised when I received my blood results: It was all okay. All my organs seemed to work well, my vitamins and minerals were okay and everything else, except an iron deficiency.
To be honest I felt disappointed when I saw those results because this didn’t help me. Where should I search if not into my blood? And why am I so sick even though everything seemed to be okay?
I mean, an iron deficiency has to be taken seriously – and I do. But I had iron deficiencies since I can think. I also had iron infusions in the past to push my iron values, but one year later the deficiency was back again. So this skin problem doesn’t come from that.
However, one moment later I was grateful that I didn’t have other illnesses. That my blood is healthy and my organs (all the others except my skin) work well.
So the question, where those crazy skin eruptions come from, came up again…
My theory is that this whole things comes from my psyche or my hormones. Maybe both. I mean there is a reason why we say “The skin is the mirror of our soul”. Although I can’t name something that’s really going wrong in my life right now. I had way bigger challenges in the past, than I have now. Maybe my soul’s figuring out something from the past? Or maybe it’s just nothing from the psyche?
My suspicions is that my body can’t handle the hormones. In February this year I discontinued to take artificial hormones for prevention reasons. I had the “Implanon” for 3 years and before that I took the pille for about 5 years. So my body was filled with chemical hormones over 8 years and didn’t have to handle this cycle by himself.
It’s now half a year ago since I don’t have them artificial hormones anymore and since half a year I have those bad skin issues again. So for me it’s quite obvious that my body struggles with my hormones a lot. I also did a lot of research to understand it. That’s why I want to support my body as good as possible to manage this. I’ll write an update about that when I’ve figured it out. 🙂
In that time when my body has such huge struggles with health, self-love – and even more – self-acceptance becomes an incredible important topic. The real challenge when it comes to health issues is (for me) the emotional consequences which result from it. When my whole skin is so inflexible and open wounded that I can’t participate life as I do usually, the physical pain isn’t the worst part about it.
The worst part is this emptiness, feeling lonely, being afraid of losing connection to friends and loved ones. Everything keeps going with the same speed while you try to heal. While you need more time. While you can’t stick to that speed anymore. Those times are times when all those self-doubts are so real. So present. It’s all of that which hurts the most.
And this is exactly that part where I’ve learnt the most this month. I’ve learnt to accept, that my body is in constant change and can’t always be in top form. I’ve learnt, that my beauty doesn’t come from my body. And I’ve learnt that laughing REALLY IS the best medicine.
Nowadays everyone’s talking about selflove – but do they also practice it? Self-love and self-acceptance are so much more than just a bit “me-time” or a face mask after a busy day. I think this topic is so much bigger than we think. I think it doesn’t even have a start and an end. But I’m sure that this is one of the most important topics of our lives!
Okay… I guess this was enough for now. In short: 2018 has been intense, instructive and full of surprises and growth so far. I’m looking forward to the next 4 months of 2018 and can’t really believe that this year is already getting to an end again. I already saw people on Instagram and YouTube who count the days til Christmas! So crazy how time flies!
I can’t wait to write the next lifeupdate! These articles are one of my favorites because I find it so interesting to look back to them after a while to see which struggles I’ve overcome and to be reminded of all the beautiful memories again.
What do you think about this kind of blogpost? Are you interested in reading them private lifeupdates? Let me know in the comments! ❤️
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